Mango's Nan

What a wonderful thing graffiti is. It's a form of cultural art that has existed throughout history.

Obviously it was the Romans who perfected it and even had professional graffiti artists who were paid to go around the various communities and daub the walls with slogans and comments about targeted individuals. Usually the comments were accompanied by explicit sketches of the individuals due to the high levels of illiteracy amongst the plebs who were meant to read them.

Nowadays we've got universal literacy amongst the masses (or certainly we should have in this country) but this still doesn't prevent the would be graffiti artists from providing amusing cartoons to go with the comments scribed.

On a late night walk recently I came across an interesting series of remarks publicised in marker pen on the walls of a subway running under the Huyton slip road of the M57. It's an major arterial route into a particularly creative area of Liverpool, so it should only follow that the artists' work is of the highest quality.

In order to engage the reader and provide prime examples of the sort of talent we have out there, I've uploaded excerpts from the said wall. For those of you who are not familiar with Scouse vernacular I will provide a translation of sorts.

So let's begin with the first picture.

This is a rather disparaging reference to Becky Ashworth. But the poetry is wonderful; a classic Shakespearean couplet,

"Becky ashworth major weed Bum!
 get on her but she's got a chewed up wine gum
 072301495702"

Becky clearly has a reputation for not purchasing her fair share of cannabis and as such she has obviously upset this particular detractor. The 'wine gum' analogy is a reference to her genitals, somewhat graphic and in my opinion, very original if it's drawn from the writer's own experience. Still it beggars the question whether we're talking about a Rowntree or Maynard wine gum.
Despite his hostility towards Becky, the author has obviously put some thought into what he's written (unlike some), although from a purist's point of view the wine gum metaphor may have been inserted solely for convenience give that 'gum' rhymes with 'bum'.

Next we have an exchange between two rival artists, who clearly have had an historical difference of opinion over some literary issue.

"ONLY TING YOU CARRY IS YE MARS COFFIN WHEN I LIGHT YE KEN UP!!

"NA BRO YE mistAken 4 ye nans"

Now as we all know, a person who is "carrying" is generally in possession of some sort of weapon, so I can only assume that a threat has been made by Artist 2 to Artist 1 which has alluded to the fact that he maybe "carrying" in future. That assertion has  provoked a threat to burn down Artist's 2's house (ken) and thereby killing his mother.

The response is equally menacing suggesting that Artist 1's "nan" is in imminent danger.

The passion of both the artists knows no boundaries and may well result in a fatality. Mind you such comments would surely assist any subsequent police investigation into a local arson attack.

Which brings us to examples 3 and 4; Mango's Nan.

This poor lady comes in for some very derogatory, almost defamatory remarks.

   

"MANGOS NAN NoNcen Rottys AND HIS GRANDAD TAKIN SNAP SHOTS"

[noncen= having illegal sex: Rottys= see below] 

"MANGO'S NAN TAKES IT DOGGY STYLE OFF ROTTYS"

You see Mango's nan appears to have sexual penchant for bestiality and not just a general form of bestiality, but a preference for a particular breed of dog; Rottys otherwise known as Rottweilers. One has to have a degree of admiration for Mango's nan, if this is true, because Rottweilers have a reputation for being quite aggressive. We all recall the devil dog in Damien: The Omen, which was a rather intimidating Rottweiler tasked with looking after the Anti Christ. However the film never really went into detail about the breed's sexual prowess. Only Mango's nan and possibly his grandad, who documented the liaison by taking snapshots, could possibly comment on this. It's interesting to see that the sexual encounter referred to seemed to cater more for the Rotty's needs, doing it "doggy style", than to Mango's nan's favoured position (whatever that may be).

The real issue is as to how the author of this comment learnt of this interaction. Did Mango's nan or Grandad actually publicise this. 

Example 5 is quite amusing and put a smile on my face when I saw it.

A vascular looking cock and balls with a smile on his face and apparently in the throes of ejaculation, with the comment next to it of Plod. My own opinion is that this is clearly a flattering image relating to the masculinity of Merseyside's finest. One can only echo the sentiment!

And finally the piece de resistance, a short video of  10 foot penis with the comment below,

"Were you get this pen from bro, 

Staplez lad"



A short but informative exchange between 2 artists which clearly has a smattering of product placement in it. Theo Paphitis will be pleased that his wares get such a resounding endorsement no doubt increasing the value of his children's inheritance. If you need  a pen to write graffiti go to Staples.

The video in my humble opinion sums up the whole genre of street graffiti. A 10 foot penis, big enough to impress but wholly unreal.

LEWD, RUDE AND HUMOROUS!!!!!!!!!

See you down the tunnel.